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montreal (feat​.​Khyro)

from My favorite songs by me by Ira Lee

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lyrics

In mont - real.
It’s fifty cents to call.
Where canada started after all.

The boys are ugly, and the girls are all cute.
Your Halloween costume has to fit over a snowsuit

No disrespect, but the last time I checked
Montreal’s not in Canada, it’s in Quebec

Morrrreal!
Cheeseburger de cheval
my franglais mal,
But here I am, all the sudden, somehow

Western Canada’s completely out of focus
The waitress at chez cora’s trying to treat me like I’m homeless.

In montreal.
There’s a great divide.
Between francophones and everyone else, on the other side.

You get a kiss on the cheek from every porn star in the street
Like you’re at a habs games, in an alouettes jersey, cheering for the nordiques

It’s okay to marry your second cousin
In the province with three seasons, winter, still winter, and construction.

Plus 6 in January.
minus ten in july
I’m not really living in Quebec, I’m just an alien, trying to get by

Bought a celine dion cassette, because the winter’s get frette
Real men are lumberjacks, not tapons, or tapettes!

Nobody’s polite,
But there’s a festival every night
Convenience stores sell beer
And no Saskatchewan in sight!

If you’re weird out here, it’s called distinguished
When your dad stops in the middle of a joke, to explain it to me in English.

Speed limits are arbitrary and
Stop signs are suggestions


The only problem with Quebec is, all the frenchmen

You get your milk in a bag, and maple syrup from a tree
In mont - real a crepe is everything you ever imagined a pancake could be.

Drinking is the law, and driving is to win,
If you think you better than Canadians, you’re going to fit in right in

Ya can’t front on quebec!
Ottawa hasn’t build a fence around it yet

If you ever been here you know,
Driving is better in the winter cause the potholes are filled with snow.

All the cab driver’s, are of African Descent, and they’ll drive you around the long way, the wrong way, just to pay the rent

Beer is a religion, poutine’s a way of life
Anal sex doesn’t count, if it’s your brother in law’s wife.

I know one thing for sure,
Quebec is the wrong place to speak English and be poor.

credits

from My favorite songs by me, released October 20, 2010

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Ira Lee Montréal, Québec

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